The Philip Files

By Philip Pfanstiel

“It could be considered a curse to succeed at something that is not your calling.”

My dad, Carl Pfanstiel, and I went to a conference in Indianapolis this past weekend (will share more about that conference in the future) and on the way back this came out in our conversation.

It was one of those moments where you say something and you’re like “whoa, that was much deeper than anything I could have come up with!”

The struggle for me has been hearing God, receiving a lot of promises, acting on them and being underwhelmed by the response.  A year after moving to Tulsa during praise and worship I heard “you’ve planted a lot of good seeds that I can bless.”

Enter the next year and a half of continued struggling.  “What’s up with that God!?”

Around the same time I had a similar discussion with God that had an edge of accusation to it (okay, I was pretty upset) and heard “a lot of people judge Me based off of incomplete knowledge.”  Again, “whoa, that was way beyond me!”

So I’m trying to hold Words, dreams, visions, insights, observations, talking donkeys (you know, the ways that God seems to talk to people) loosely and allow God to unfold and reveal them in His time and way.

Heard this thought at a meeting a bit back, “Many of us pray for God to bless our plans.  How many ask how we can be part of His Plan that is already (beyond) blessed?”

This reminds me of the old Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers” with the lyric (as I recall it) “Sometimes God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”  Incomplete knowledge and yet in my infinite foolishness I have judged and accused the Almighty.

And the weirdest thing – He seems to be okay with it.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t talk bad about God to others.  Usually when I’m upset I go straight at Him – and He has answered (and still answers) in some of the most kind, sensitive and meaningful ways. 

In the journey I’ve taken with my kids the last few years there has been quite a few honest / raw talks.  The irony is that some of the biggest breakthroughs in our relationships come AFTER some very hard even uncomfortable talks.  I don’t know why that is, I suspect it’s because the walls have come down and we’re finally honest and vulnerable with each other.

It seems, IMO, that God is okay with us going to Him and throwing a fit.  That is what children do with their fathers.  When we go to others and talk bad about our father – the guilt and shame creates an unnecessary barrier.  But when we go straight at Him we find out how good of a dad he really is.

Returning to the Call.  How many of us know what our calling is?  Chuck Missler would often quip “the two best days of our life is the day we get saved and the day we find out why” (ie. What our call / purpose is).

Obviously I think there is a lot of truth to that or I wouldn’t quote it 🙂

What if every prayer was answered?  What if every door opened?  What if everything we put our hand to prospered?  Would the results be a blessing to us or a curse?  Would we fulfill our potential while missing our purpose and find the blessing is actually a curse?

My personal prayer (which I may very well regret in the short term but will be thankful for in the long term) is “Lord, may success only come when I’m fulfilling the part you have for me in Your plan.”  Until then I’ll take every wall I bump into as a loving reminder that there’s something greater.

aka: Killing our perception of Hell

By Philip Pfanstiel

What if our understanding of Hell is the greatest insult to a loving God?  One description of the beast is that it is covered with blasphemies.  Could our modern understanding of Hell (as a place of eternal torment) be one of the greatest blasphemies/insults to God’s character imaginable perpetrated by the father of lies?

I apologize right off, if I’m underplaying this.  Forgive me if I think too small.  🙂

I hate Hell.  So much so that I started to resent the god that would send people there.  Okay, not really started to.  I resented God for His cruelty.  When the Marvel Super-villain Thanos is more compassionate than Yahweh our Elohim (The Lord our God) something is seriously messed up.

“Apparent cruelty.”  What if we are more interested in defending our understanding of God, than in defending the character of the God that is beyond any understanding … but who has revealed Himself as Love Incarnate?  Something doesn’t jive.  If you read this whole article I welcome your disagreement, comments, questions and maybe, support.  I don’t pretend to have arrived, but I have left the boat.

A Christian publisher referenced some research at a recent conference I attended.  He said that this is the first generation that believes that to become a Christian would mean to become “LESS MORAL” (emphasis added).  The culture sees Christians as full of hate, racism, intolerance, and judgment.   And they aren’t too far off.  This opened up a can of worms in my head, but for this entry, I’ll stay focused on the hot place.

Spoiler Alert: I’ve come to believe in Annihilation for those who reject God’s free gift of salvation through Jesus.  Simply put when the Bible says “perish” it means exactly that.  And while there is eternal life in Christ, there is not an eternal suffering (though the judgment is an eternal judgment in that it is not reversible).

Many Christians that I have discussed this with go right back to “but the Bible says …” and then bring up verses that talk about perishing, death, judgment, etc… but try to find one about “eternal suffering” and they squirm.

My thoughts on this have evolved over the years.  I’ll present them in the order that they developed (as best as I can remember).

Jesus is the Judge (not a switch): The 1st realization was the most profound.  I started to despise God for sending people to Hell.  One day while I was simmering in my own self-righteousness, God asked me a simple question, “How much do you love people?”  My mind immediately went to the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross with his shattered, blood-soaked humiliated body and arms outstretched with the caption “I ask God how much he loved me.  ‘This much’ was his reply.”

God knows how to move past all the intellectual barriers and get to the heart of the issue.  I was exalting my love for people over that of the love of Jesus Christ – and He loves them A LOT more than I do or ever could.  The next thought that followed my revised perspective was that “Jesus is the JUDGE of the living and the dead.”  Simply put, judges judge.  Jesus is not a switch.  CW says either someone prayed the sinner’s prayer (and they get in, no questions asked) or they didn’t pray the prayer (and go to Hell).  You don’t need a judge for that, all you need is a switch.  Yes or No.  1 or 0.  On or Off.  Jesus is the judge, and His judgments are right and true.  This realization was the first in my journey of killing (our perception of) Hell.  A compassionate, all-knowing Judge who has already paid the price – I’m thankful He is the Judge and not a switch.

Character of God: God does not rejoice at the death and suffering of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23, 33:11).  He goes to great lengths to draw and entice sinners to repentance.   John 3:16 and many others suggest God’s LOVE compelled him to seek and save so that we wouldn’t perish BUT have everlasting life.  Why if He cares so much about the suffering of people in THIS life, would He design an afterlife of eternal suffering?  Remember, God made the rules (so the argument that He doesn’t want to, but HAS to, doesn’t hold up).

Eternal suffering is just mean.  People will argue, God doesn’t send people to Hell.  People choose to go to hell.  I’ve read WAY too many missionary biographies to buy this load of crap (pardon my frankness).  People are deceived, lied to, manipulated and confused.  (See Lord’s of the Earth by Don Richardson – my favorite and the most distressing missionary biography I’ve read).

My personal opinion (which I already know is wrong) is that everyone would choose salvation through Jesus if they had all the facts (and hadn’t been clouded by hurts, lies, and control).  I know I’m wrong because people still rejected Jesus because their deeds were evil (John 3:18-20).  Nevertheless, people choosing Hell – I don’t buy that.  I think that is lazy theology (accepted because of historical precedent and it takes too much energy to go against the tide of religious “orthodoxy”).  It sounds good, but it rings hollow and callous.  Obviously, I’m suggesting a radical makeover.  If it works for decrepit houses, it might just work for the House of God (as the research attests – we have lost something vital if the ungodly are perceived as MORE moral).

People have and will reject Jesus.  Pride is the biggest culprit.  But them rejecting Jesus and CHOOSING an eternal state of suffering – not the same thing.

Personal note: I’ve been rejected by a few women in my life.  I’ve accepted their rejection, and my life will move on without them.  And maybe their life will be poorer without me (or better, if truth be told – IDK).  But I don’t wish harm or ill will on anyone that has rejected me.  I wish them the best (or 2nd best 🙂 ).  Why, if I being evil can release those who have rejected me, would a loving God design an outcome where they suffer forever for rejecting Him?  Such a god sounds like a monster.

And maybe that’s the point.  This understanding that God will make people suffer forever for rejecting Him is an outright lie and perversion of the truth.  Which leads to …

Doctrine of Demons: Devils don’t rule Hell.  Hell (later the Lake of Fire) is their punishment.  Twisting things like they do (I’ve seen them twist so many things in my life lately I’m starting to discern a pattern) it seems interesting that a fate reserved for them has been twisted into a place where they rule and get to torment us.  They wish!?  The truth is that the Lake of Fire is THEIR destination (Revelation 20:10).

Returning to the first lie in the Garden of Eden, “Has God said?”  What does the Bible say about sinners?  It says they perish at the 2nd death.  It never says that humans will suffer forever.  It does say that Satan, fallen angels, the false prophet and that motley crew will be tormented forever.  My understanding is that they are spirit (not body) so they cannot die.  But humans that are thrown into the Lake of Fire – they experience the 2nd death.  They are annihilated.  Reread Revelations 20-21 and see for yourself.

A Vampire’s Eternal Suffering: If you look at the Fall (see Genesis 3:22), the reason God kicked them out was so that they wouldn’t take of the fruit of the Tree of Life and live forever (like the Ben Elohim [angels] that God is talking to).  He knew that in this fallen state mankind would become something akin to vampires or the undead.  Not alive, but not dead – an unclean state in-between.  And if they had taken of the Tree of Life they would be eternal and the judgment against the fallen angels (Revelation 20:10) of eternal torment would apply to them as well.

This is in effect what happened to the Nephilim / giants.  They were an abomination and will never find rest.  Demons are the “unclean spirits” that resulted from the sin of the watchers (Genesis 6:1-5) and in many ways suggest what man could have become if God had allowed Adam and Eve to remain in the garden.

The Weeds: I could get in the weeds here by discussing The Book of Enoch, the Watchers, Nephilim and the judgment that was issued against them.  Suffice to say that they were not deceived, chose to rebel and yet were judged by being bound in chains for 70 generations (2 Peter 2:4).  This judgment was shocking to the hosts of heaven.  Compare that to the idea that deceived, ignorant humans would be tormented forever.  Doesn’t jive.  I can discuss this further in a follow-up entry if there is interest.

I know you are but what am I?  One tactic I’ve become accustomed to is “the best defense is a good offense.”  It seems that Satan will always accuse us of the things HE is doing.  They did it to Jesus.  They’ve done it to believers throughout history.  Watch the news and you see the same strategy play out on a daily basis.  In Israel, I saw this firsthand how people (on both sides) that were seeking peace were accused of violence, while the accusers were using innocent lives as shields.  In a world rushing to judgment oftentimes truth (all too tragically) is the 2nd voice that is not heard.

I think this is what we’re seeing with Hell.  Satan has twisted the truth of his judgment (he is NOT going to Disney World) and instead defamed the character of God by twisting it through exaggeration, deception and the largest bait and switch ever.

Lake of Fire and the Mark of the Beast: There is a lot that we don’t know about the Mark of the Beast and the Lake of Fire.  But one theory is that the Mark of the Beast will be a perverting of the human genome through genetic editing.  Mankind is made in the image of God.  But if enough of that code is edited, spliced and diced in order to become immortal (take of the “Tree of Life”), then could humans become “beasts” or an abomination?  Basically, those who take this “Mark” will become like the Nephilim and bring upon themselves the same fate as the demons and devils (fallen angels), who, unlike humans, are still aware/alive apart from their body.  Revelation 9:6 is an interesting verse that hints at the impossibility of death, even though men seek it.  Maybe these men have already altered their genetic code and cannot die (but will suffer in their undead bodies).  This is not a central pillar of my argument, but something worth considering.

Nature of Humanity and Life: Body, mind, and spirit.  A body without the soul and spirit is dead.  A spirit or soul without the body is “asleep” (I Thessalonians 4:13-14) until all three are reunited at the resurrection.  This article is not about Gnosticism but it does bear mentioning in that they exalted the spirit, tolerated the soul and abhorred the body.

A lot of modern Catholic and Protestant orthodoxy/teachings are built on a basis of Greek thought (which was greatly influenced by Gnosticism) and separated from the Hebraic understanding (the culture in which the Bible was written).  I’ve already written about how this affected a proper understanding of marriage and divorce (and remarriage).  I think it also affected a proper understanding of Hell.

Suffice to say, that the resurrection of the body is actually a pretty big deal.  There are many understandings about this in Christianity, but my own is that when we die we enter “soul sleep” until we are awakened at the resurrection.  This is not a central doctrine (and I don’t pretend to be an expert on it) but IF it takes all three parts of us together to be ALIVE, then when the ungodly are thrown in the Lake of Fire at the final judgment and their bodies are consumed … then the verses about perishing and the 2nd death make a lot more sense.  Simply put, they are no more.  They perish.  Their memory perishes.  This is a really serious punishment.  Begs the question; isn’t an eternal suffering overkill?  I mean, serious OVERKILL!!!

God is Life: God routinely refers to himself as the creator and source of life.  There are many verses that speak to this but when you start noticing it they pop up everywhere.  The other day I came across I Timothy 6:13, 16 “… God, who gives life to all things … who alone has immortality …”

My take is that man (men and women) are triune creations (body, soul, and spirit) and that the body is essential for life (unlike creations that are spirit only).  If the body is destroyed in death (1st or 2nd) then they are no more.  Unless they are resurrected and God – who as Paul states – gives life and immortality to all in His presence.

What we Fear we Worship: Hell has become the focal point, and not the rewards of Heaven.  Jesus talked a lot more about the rewards of Heaven, then he did Hell or punishments.

Recently on my Youtube channel (philipfiles) I posted a video about false positives.  What if Hell has become the ultimate false positive?  Well-meaning people throughout church history have used the idea of eternal suffering in Hell to coerce, manipulate and control people to accept “fire insurance.”  From “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry God” to purgatory, indulgences and modern-day hate filled epitaphs directed at anyone who doesn’t see it “our way.”

The truth is that Hell is a great sales tool/motivator.  Conventional wisdom says that people react best to fear and greed.  But are these God’s ways?  It seems clear that God’s preferred means of relationship is neither fear nor greed, but Love.

Fear can also twist things beyond recognition and turn a beautiful truth into a horrific vision.  Jeff Swanson, the author of the Plan Bible, stated at a recent retreat that people worship what they fear.  Applying that to Heaven and Hell – Heaven comes across as baby angels on clouds with boring harps.  While with Hell fear and sadistic curiosity have created layers, punishments and an elaborate hierarchy of misdeeds and missteps.

When you really study covenants and the teachings of Jesus it becomes clear that while there is a Hell (torment for rebellious spirits, annihilation for humans IMO), Heaven is much more complicated (beautiful, interesting, compelling, real, organic, etc…).  There are different rewards, crowns, levels of responsibility, treasures, and roles (some just get in – servants, others are friends, while some are “the bride”).

As this entry is fastly becoming an epistle I shall end with a personal thought.  There are many verses and thoughts that I’m omitting at this point (feel free to point them out – it makes the discussion more fun) for the sake of possible consumption (if it’s too long, no one will read it).

Personal Conclusion: My life the past few years has been a roller coaster of highs, lows and many pouting sessions with God.  In one of these sessions, I was mad at God because things didn’t turn out the way He had told me they would.  His response was classic God, “A lot of people judge me based off incomplete knowledge.”

He is and was very kind and not condemning.  I’ve found in my journey with God that He doesn’t defend Himself.  If I want to throw a hissy fit, He’ll let me.  And then when I’m done He’ll comfort me.

Some people say God told them to do this or made them do that.  That’s not been my experience.  My experience is that He asks me a lot of questions – He’s a true gentleman and never goes against my will.  Even though I’ve gone through some un-fun stuff of late, I have to admit that He warned me and gave me options.  While the path we’ve taken was by His leading, it was with my agreement and in hindsight, full consent (looking backward I see the wisdom in the path).

One of the hardest things I’ve had to endure emotionally is people that I care deeply for have an unbalanced if not false view of me.  I’ve been tempted to defend myself (with terrible results) and want to explain myself.   But until someone is wanting an honest answer, they won’t ask an honest question.  God, I feel, is wanting to reveal who He really is to us if we will but ask.  But until we are ready for an honest answer He’ll allow us (no matter how much it hurts Him and us) to embrace a lie or false view of Him.

I feel that we can’t fully understand, love and embrace our Creator, friend and lover while we hold to blasphemies/perversions of His character (namely this perverted view of Hell).  Maybe, here’s a thought, instead of studying doctrinal decrees, CW and old wineskins we go to God ourselves and ask Him some honest questions.  The answers have always surprised and brought me peace.  I think they will bring you peace as well.

As I edited this entry (yes, I did edit some stuff out) the song “Your Love is Mine” by I Am They began to play.  I think the truth of this song says it more succinctly or beautifully than I ever could.

“Life will rise
Death will die
Your love is mine (x2)
Stains washed white
You paid the price
Your love is mine (x2)”

P.S. By the way, it was two years ago today that I posted “To Hell with Hell” on my Youtube channel.  It was a more lighthearted – live action (some Hell goats made a cameo) take on this same topic.   Feel free to watch it instead of reading this whole article.  Probably should have put this note at the top. 🙂

by Philip Pfanstiel

The problem when it comes to getting the mind of Christ in regards to divorce is that there seem to be two camps and they both know they’re right.  The law camp goes “God hates divorce” and “Jesus said if you divorce you commit adultery.”  While the grace camp says “God will redeem anything” and “Jesus wants us to be happy.”

I’m hoping I’m not the only one that sees the trap I laid in that opening paragraph.

First a disclaimer: I was 100% confident that I would never divorce and be with one woman my whole life.  Maybe if she died at 90 then I’d be the toast of the nursing home until I died at the age of 103 since I laugh a lot and God (and others) enjoy laughing at me too much to let me die too soon.

In reality, over the past two years, my marriage (of 18 years) ended in divorce (see Divorce Debrief: Part One) and this has gotten me to reevaluate a lot of what I “knew” about divorce.  To say I’m a little biased is to admit the sky is blue and water is wet.  I would like to remarry at some point.  I like companionship and clipping coupons, if by clipping coupons you mean NOT clipping coupons but can’t think of a better euphemism for binge-watching Netflix.

My second admission is that although my situation has changed, my view on divorce and remarriage has not.  I’ve always been in the grace camp, while at the same time encouraging friends and family to stick to covenant and work things out (but extending grace to those in need).  There is a blessing for couples who both choose to stay in covenant, but … well, it is a choice that BOTH individuals make.  One can no more force one to marry them, or stay married to them if they choose otherwise.  Free will’s awesomeness is nearly matched by its ability to inflict pain and suffering.

Okay, going back to the trap.  Nothing I said in the opening paragraph in quotation marks is in the Bible.  Nowhere does it say “God hates divorce” and “Jesus said if you divorce you commit adultery.”  Nor does the Bible say “God will redeem anything” and “Jesus wants us to be happy.”

Most of you in the law camp are scrambling to prove me wrong and I welcome it.  The truth is that God at times commanded divorce (Ezra 9 & 10), is Himself divorced (Jeremiah 3:8), will only redeem things for those who love Him and are CALLED according to the purpose (Romans 8:28) and never promised us happiness (though He does encourage us to choose to be joyful).

I’ve thought of writing this article for a while.  I haven’t because I have nothing to prove to anyone.  I’m not going to defend myself, nor do I feel inclined to attack others.  The thing that has led me to write this anyway is the fact that while I’m at peace with the direction I’m going (God’s will for my life is to remarry at some point) I know many others feel condemned, depressed, hopeless and guilty.  Meanwhile, those in the law camp can’t move away from their understanding even though they really want to, so they embrace stuff they hate because their paradigm demands it.  Is it for legalism that God has set us free? (Galatians 5:1).

A friend of mine described his frustration and said he hoped I could convince him otherwise.  I don’t know if I can convince him (or you or anyone) but hopefully, I can offer some food for thought and contemplation.  The truth is that I’m not a biblical noob.  I’m not a theologian, but I could go toe to toe with them and maybe even beat them in areas (since they are forced into one school of Greco-Roman theology and I’m free to explore Hebraic understandings, switch between disciplines and schools of thought).  I love being a free radical.

What I’m saying is that I may be the perfect person to recast this whole argument.  I won’t be cowered by legalist, nor will I compromise the Word of God to fit my own desires.  People may not like me but my integrity, honesty and forthrightness are on display (example this blog and my youtube channel).  I’m an open book.  You can reject me but you can’t accuse me of being dishonest or deceitful.  Well, you can but you can do a lot of stuff that is illogical.

Okay, there seems to me four areas that we need to examine to really understand God’s heart regarding divorce.

1. What did Jesus say about divorce? (see Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:1-9)
2. What is the cultural and biblical context of what Jesus said?
3. What is the purpose of marriage, and what is God’s objection to divorce?
4. A logic puzzle would be why did Paul disagree with Jesus (compare Matt 5:31-32 with I Corinthians 7)? Either Paul is undermining what Jesus said, or maybe our understanding of what Jesus said needs a new perspective.

Most start with #1, then skip #2 and then repeat #1 when they come to #3 (and I’ve not heard anyone talk about #4 – it’s my contribution to the debate).  I like flipping things (my name is Ph(i)lip for a reason).  So let’s start with number #3 – which is a very good place to start.

What is the purpose of marriage?  In Biblical studies, there is a concept called “The Law of First Mention.”  Basically, if you look in scripture at the first time something is mentioned you’ll find a deeper truth or revelation.  With this in mind, what is the first problem (“not good”) mentioned in the Bible?  What is the first solution?  And what is the first “very good?” 

For those familiar with Genesis the first problem is that Adam (man) had been commissioned / CALLED to a task by God but that in order to fulfill his calling he needed a companion and there were no suitable helpmates (Gen 2:18-25).  God then put Adam into a deep sleep and created Eve (woman) from Adam’s side.  The creation of woman became the first solution and the first “very good.”

Essentially (since this is not a scholarly paper I’ll cut to the chase), Adam being alone would prevent him from fulfilling what God had called him to do.  So God created Eve (WO! man!) and brought them together.  In essence, marriage was created to empower Man to fulfill the Call that God had given him.

I think an appropriate comparison is to that of the Sabbath day.  So many traditions had become encrusted on the Sabbath day that Jesus had to correct this perversion by reminding the Legalists that the “Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”

I think it is fair and consistent with the teachings of Christ to say “Marriage was made for man (male & female), and not man for marriage.”

Besides, I always find it curious that people will hold religiously to verse 31-32 in denying people grace or a second chance at a Godly marriage and do so with both eyes and hands (read verse 29-30).  I’d find their case more consistent if they were missing their eyes and hands – but that’s just me.  If you are going to shackle people down with laws, and religious traditions best try it on yourself.  I’d applaud them for their extreme literalism, legalism, and lack of hypocrisy with both my hands.  Then I’d wonder if I should teach them about hyperbole – or if that would just be cruel. 

Returning to the Cultural Context:  Biblically men could have multiple wives (so a woman leaving a man wouldn’t prevent him from marrying).  A divorced woman could either be received back by her husband (it was VERY rare for a woman to divorce her husband), return to her family or find a new husband.  Women had a very difficult time providing for themselves at that time and in that culture.  Now a separated woman didn’t have the option of finding a new husband because legally she was still married to the first.  So if she got together with another man than that would be adultery.  In essence, some men’s hearts were so hard toward their wives that they would put them aside (separation) but NOT give them a decree of divorce.  This would effectively screw over their separated wife and in her dire straight she might find another man anyway and now her (ex)husband could claim she was an adulterer (and post it on FB and his other social media accounts to make him look better).  This website does a more thorough job of explaining this. 

Basically, the men at that time were a bunch of asses.

What if Jesus was saying; “either give her the decree of divorce and set her free or remain married to her.  But to separate from her and leave her in limbo is a dick move you hard-hearted hypocrites.”

Sorry for being crass, but I’ve found nothing about divorce that is G rated.  Plus I could see Jesus being crass at times when confronted with self-righteous hypocrites.

A topic for a future blog post involves the many “Systems of Control” – I did do a video blog about this last fall (Controlling, Commanding and Calling the Chosen).  For our purposes, there are key areas in our battle that the enemy needs to control in order to subjugate and defeat us: access to resources and morale (the will to fight/win) are HUGE ones.  I think marriage (and a lot of the legalism that has encrusted it) and divorce is a major choke point as it plays so much into identity, morale and the ability to fight successfully and train up the next generation of warriors.

I don’t find much to like about satan but his ingenuity with sin is at least creative.  He entices people to sin (i.e. sex outside of marriage), then condemns them so they try to fix it (marriage), then haunts and undermines the marriage until it to fails, then places the legalistic barrier to prevent them from properly divorcing, and when their lives fall apart puts up more barriers preventing them from being restored, redeemed and healed.  And then their children have no other pattern to follow but the one they saw their parents fall into, so they repeat it.

Catch 22 x 3 if you will … oh, that would be 66… interesting.  Satan knows that marriage was the answer to the problem preventing mankind from accomplishing God’s Will/Call.  If satan can get us all confused about the answer then we’ll never solve the problem, much less accomplish the CALL.

Ultimately, are we more about “thy kingdom come they will be done”  or “if we do everything right, then we’ll be done”?  Curious that the four women mentioned in the lineage of Jesus were not the most perfect examples of female chastity.  I wonder why Matthew focused on them?  Could be Matthew (the most educated and meticulous of the disciples) knew that God cares more about our heart and accomplishing His purposes, then in doing everything “the right way.”  I seem to remember Jesus dying for mankind because we COULDN’T do it “the right way.”  Amazing Grace is a great song, I just wish more Christians would extend it to others after they’ve tasted of it (Psalm 34:8).

As a follower of Christ, I want everything I do (especially something as major as marriage) to be done right and to please God.  One misunderstanding that I had is that if I did everything right then I was guaranteed success.  I didn’t do everything right but compared to most relationships I was … AM a sinner.  Comparisons obscure the truth so I’ll resist the desire to defend myself with them.  Relationships don’t come with guarantees and sometimes Stephen is stoned.  Jesus is crucified.  And burgers don’t come plain like you requested.  Life is HARD and unfair.

I want to please God but I also know myself and living alone under a rock is just not going to happen.  And to be honest God has made it very clear to me that to tape back on the leg (see part one) that ran away from me isn’t going to happen either (and would be pulling me AWAY from His calling, so again focusing on His Call comes FIRST, and marriage [as is established in Genesis 2] is the answer to obstacles preventing the completion of the commission).

I also find it curious that the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus alone.  Uh … if she were caught in adultery shouldn’t there be a man by her side who was also going to get stoned?  Legalist, I’ve noticed, are great at enforcing rules on others in whatever way best serves them.  I personally wonder if the man was a Pharisee and was given a pass.

The argument in review: Nothing I’ve written here should be taken as suggesting divorce is good or recommended.  The truth is that those who have gone through it (whether they initiated it, deserved it or where blindsided by it) know just how horrendous it is (and the negative effect on children is WAY beyond the scope of this blog).  I prayed for a long time for a resurrection and have seen and heard testimonies of marriages that were redeemed and reconciled.  I’ve seen others where one spouse holds on too tightly to the severed leg and the gangrene hinders their fulfilling the call of God.  Oddly others have gone into wonderful, God-honoring second marriages which empower them to fulfill the Call of God.   Still, others have repeated the same mistakes and have left a trail of regret, pain, and denial in their wake.  The truth is that marriage, divorce, and remarriage is not a one size fit all: “do it this way, God will like you and everything will go right for you.”  This promise is one of the most damaging that I’ve seen erstwhile Christians embrace because when things go wrong (and they will) the resulting condemnation and regrets are overwhelming.

Instead, I propose that we seek God, ask for wisdom, seek counsel, find out what His Will is and then do that with all our heart.  For those counseling those hurt by divorce – be quick to listen, slow to speak – there may, unfortunately, be a time when the roles are reversed and you’ll be grateful to receive the same grace that you gave to others.

In my own case, there came a point where God spoke to me to move on.  Others He may say to hold on.  The simple truth is that God (who is Lord of the sabbath and marriage) does speak and will speak to us if we will seek, listen and remain teachable.  And as Mary said at Cana, “whatever He tells you, do it.”

A sundry thought: I Timothy 4:1-5 contains an interesting thought.  Essentially in the latter days (now), people will be led away by “doctrine of demons” and one of the things that they will do is forbid to marry.  No one, that I know of, forbids people to marry if they are perfect, pure and made of porcelain.  But introduce the reality of humanity, free will and the fallen world and so many rules, conventions and contradictions spring up like hairs on the back of Big Foot playing Spider Man.  I wonder if this is what Paul is warning about (forbidding remarriage – not Big Foot getting goosebumps).  Just a thought.

By Philip Pfanstiel

This is a hard entry for me to write.  Darn you carpel tunnel and inability to smel …  I mean spel.

No, the reason it’s difficult is that I’ve always used my life as my canvas.  Whether it’s the columns, articles, video blogs (youtube: philipfiles), conversations or life lessons with my students – I’ve drawn from my life to share advice, anecdotes, humorous stories and at times actually helpful hard-earned wisdom.

So the difficulty with this article is sharing too much that will only hurt those I love.  While at the same time sharing too little will give no context to what I’m about to write.  My intention is to be discreet and I ask forgiveness if I am not successful at this (and welcome private feedback if I overshare).

I just recently finished an 18-month journey through hell – also known as a divorce.  I quit my teaching job in 2015 (after 14 years) and felt God opening up doors in Tulsa for my family.  In early 2016 I told my family that I felt God was leading us to move to Tulsa.  The next week others chose to file for divorce instead.   Not the reaction I was expecting but thought we could work through it and our marriage could be resurrected.

Fast forward 18 months (and a ton of dirty laundry that I will keep to myself) and we reached a settlement this June and the divorce was FINAL in July.  To be fair I thought it was final early last September but my ignorance/naiveté of how divorces work would have been cute it if weren’t so awkward and expensive.

Last summer (June 2016) I did move up to Tulsa.  I was hoping a long-term separation would enable us to work through stuff and eventually reconcile.  Other things happened making a pursuit of reconciliation impossible and I believe, not the correct path.

I liken it to scenes in Civil War movies where they are wanting to cut off the leg of an injured soldier.  The patient screams in protest begging to keep the leg.  In the end, I woke up without a leg and refusing to admit the obvious would make me delusional and an amputee.  So I’ve chosen to save my delusions for other things (Tony Romo and Tim Tebow both lead Cowboys to Superbowl Wins!!!).

So that is a thumbnail of my story.  My ex-wife and I are committed to our children and are working together to both provide, stay involved, connected and integral to their lives.

There is a sequence of scenes in Schindler’s List where the Jewish workers keep saying it can’t get worse … and it keeps getting worse.  The truth is that I know it could have been a lot worse.  I’m thankful for God’s hand protecting both of us from far worse.  And I’m thankful that both of us are committed to the kids.  I’d rather we fight over the kids (we each had different ideas of what was best for them) than for either or both of us to abandon and forsake them.  So we fought, came to a compromise and will both be rebuilding from there.  Now the Romans 8:28 promise is in effect and our kids have two homes and lots of new experiences and friends.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Purpose / Venting

The purpose of this letter is to vent a little and to make some suggestions to the American Church.  I also have, I think, a different take on divorce that needs to be heard (and will share that in part 2).

As far as venting.  In Leviticus 19:17-18 it says “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.  You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”

God gave me this verse early last September.  One of my plethora of problems is that I have a great memory.  And with a great memory comes an amazing ability to feel sorry for oneself.  Hence a tendency to become embittered and passive-aggressive.  I don’t see myself that way, but frankly, I don’t see myself very accurately so listening to others and God provides a much more objective view.

Walking through the healing process one of the first steps to realize is that the only person I can and have a responsibility to change is myself.  Having said that I have found that I often times suppress frustration with others until it erupts at some later time.  A friend said I needed to stand up for myself and make people treat me better.  Ironically this is the same friend that told me that since my ex left me that I should either reconcile or live under a rock for the rest of my life.

To be honest, he didn’t say the rock had to be slimy, cold and dark.  But being told that in order to obey God (more on this in part 2 of the debrief) I either had to tape back on the severed leg or be alone the rest of my life – for some reason I didn’t respond well to the advice.  Obviously, my leg metaphor doesn’t have legs and is stumbling a bit (it “knee”ds work).

“Reason frankly”

The lead: I have felt really let down, betrayed and disappointed by the inaction of fellow believers over the past 18 months.  Early after the divorce was initiated I asked numerous people, and prayed desperately for an ally, for a friend, for someone to come alongside, to reach out to me, to reach out to Tamara. Some “minister of reconciliation” (II Cor 5:11-21) that would come in and help save the leg, save the marriage, protect my children from experiencing the emotional hell that they’ve gone through this past year and a half.

But there was none.  No one stepped up.  To be fair of our mutual 160+ Facebook friends one person did email me early on.  My brother Eric did fly down shortly afterwards.  And that was it.  Now my immediate family listened, prayed and gave a copious amount of advice (mainly – “Do this Philip and everything will be fine.  What you did it and it didn’t fix it?  Well, you must not have done it right.”)  But they tried (my parents and my brother Sam were great supports) and no one in my family encouraged the divorce – and for this stance I am thankful.  Now they did do a lot of “shooting the wounded” and I’m still tender in that regard.  But I’m healing and learning to forgive, release and then forgive some more (with an occasional vitriolic venting thrown in there somewhere – usually toward God but sometimes leveled at my “brother or neighbor”).

The truth is that I wasn’t advertising it.  I didn’t reach out or try to get people on my side.  If someone is a good listener I’ll quickly open up and overshare.  Fortunately (?) there haven’t been a lot of good listeners in my life this past year.  So I get it that most people didn’t know.

The “live under a rock” friend also told me that I was dense.  And I think in many ways I am.  But the truth is that in some areas I’m very prescient.  I notice things others don’t, and don’t notice things most others do.  It’s a gift I’d like to return but “c’est la vie”

I do notice things.  I do notice when “friends” don’t return my repeated calls.  When people are cold and distant or unfriend me on FB (passive aggressive strikes back).  I’m taking my own advice and am trying to not react but be proactive.  What that means is that I’ll see things and take it to God in prayer, vent in my journal or on a walk with my dog Ash.  But I’ve chosen (or try) to not react to others, but to make deliberate actions that are taking me toward the destination God has called me.  A friend gave an illustrated example of this last night that really drove home the point (plus it was late, I’d had a few too many Pepsis so bumping into walls and tables was funny).

I did notice when my ex put a family photo of her and the kids on her Facebook this spring, she got hundreds of likes and comments.  Many of our 160+ mutual “friends” saw this and yet no one reached out to me or even asked the obvious “where’s Philip?”  Why is it that when a separation / divorce is obvious does no one respond?  Do people not care? Do they say, “Well, it’s none of my business.”  Or “How sad … Oh! Look a cat video!”  Does the reality of the implosion of someone else’s family and marriage make us turn away lest it happen to us?  Is divorce contagious?

A friend did call me up a few months back and said that he had heard from another friend a year earlier that we were going through a divorce.  Uh… So two people (fellow ORU students, followers of Christ and decent friends) had heard about the divorce and yet neither of them did what we’re called as Christians to do: reach out and be ministers of reconciliation.

I did call him back later and called him out on this – I respected him and this was disappointing.  He did apologize and we left on good terms but I’ll see if I ever hear from him again.

Frankly, I’d be okay if my group of “friends” shrank to the ones who would give a damn.  “Better is open rebuke than secret love.”  The friend who gave me a lot of harsh advice, was at least there for me even after we had a series of dust ups.  I’d rather have people like him in my life than a thousand inoffensive, inconsequential, and uninvolved people.

• When Joe and Sue separated, I said nothing because Joe is too religious and intense.
• When Rochelle and Tim got divorced, I ignored it because I never really liked her anyway.
• When Dwayne and Lisa hit the rocks, I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing.
• When the shit hit the fan in my marriage, there was no one left to give a crap.

With apologies to Martin Niemoller

Maybe that’s a little too honest.  But here’s the thing.  I have been disappointed, felt judged and abandoned by people I thought were my friends … BUT God has been faithful.  There have been those who God has used to keep me alive and helped me to survive this past year.  My faith and relationship with Christ Jesus is stronger than ever.  I don’t write this to make people feel bad or guilty or even to get people to apologize.  The truth is that I wasn’t the first of your friends to go through a divorce, nor will I be the last.  Others may lose their marriages and more importantly their faith.  I’m hoping that this entry can be seen as an opportunity.

My challenge to Christians reading this is to step up next time.  Next time you hear of someone going through a rocky time in their marriage.  Send them a text.  Ask them out for a coffee.  Give them a call. When someone is going through a divorce, see if they need someone to talk to.  When you hear a ton of crap about someone, either get the other side or refuse to pass judgment and pray for them instead (and after praying reach out – you know the whole faith without works thing).  Being ministers of reconciliation is hard, but it sure beats the alternative.

By Philip Pfanstiel

There are a lot of experiences in life that we don’t see coming, we soldier and suffer through and then something strange happens when we come out the other side… we are thankful for the experience (and yet never want to go through it again).

A year ago today (Feb 2) Tamara filed for divorce.  The past year is something that I never saw coming. 

In many ways this past year has been a slow motion disaster.  And yet in others it’s been the most miraculous and meaningful year of my life.  A strange dichotomy to be sure.

I knew that no matter what the obstacle we could overcome it and prayed and believed until the end for restoration / resurrection.  And yet having fleece after fleece returned the exact opposite of what one prayed is very confusing.  I never rejected, but I have accepted the rejection… if that makes sense.  I’m at peace with it, and will do everything in my power to minimize the bad and maximize the good that is found in any paradigm shift.

The point of this article is not to dissect the divorce.  I honestly don’t like airing my dirty laundry and my hope is still that God would use this for the good of all involved.  So I don’t intend to ever dissect the divorce publicly.  If blame must be ascribed, then I’ll take it (and deservedly so).

The point is more about the “phil”osophy or approach to life.  I read a great line from Matthew McConaughey who quoted a wise old man he met, “I’ve had thousands of crises in my life, and most of them never happened.”

I thought this was so profound.  I see myself as a pretty positive person.  I see things as improving, getting better, and I dream really crazy dreams – and put action into seeing them fulfilled.  But there was a pessimistic, passive aggressive, grumpy side lurking below the surface.  One of the great things about this year is how exposed I’ve been (not by my choice) and how this exposure has forced me to deal with things.  Again, not something I want to ever go through again which is why I’m so intent on dealing with my crap and laying the new foundation properly.

Disaster or Miracle.  Which one do we expect to happen?  The truth is that in life both will come and more than a few times.  The difference is that life is lived in the space between.  Those expecting miracles will still have their disasters.  And those expecting disasters will still have their miracles.  The key is found in what John Lennon said, “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”

For me my new MO (I’m expecting it to stick) is to expect good things.  Expect people to accept me.  Expect my plans to succeed.  Expect my prayers to be answered.  Expect a miracle.  In the Tulsa area they will say “keep your expecter up.”  We have lots of Christian / Faith clichés that seem silly but contain some pretty powerful truths – if one can get past the initial lingo shock.

I’ve had opportunity this year to believe the best about people and believe the worst about people.  When you believe the worst about people you can sabotage and undermine the very relationships you desperately need.  A self-fulfilling prophecy a Goth would nihilistically accept with sardonic joy.

Don’t ask me how I know.  Dirty laundry is staying wherever my dog Ash took it.

Conversely if you (me, we, one – pick your pronoun) believe the best about people you will occasionally be betrayed / stabbed in the back.  And it will hurt.  Hurt like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

But … believe anyway.  Because most of the time people will rise to your level of trust, belief, faith in them.  I don’t know what the ratio will be, but Jesus had 12 disciples and one betrayed him and the rest abandoned him.  And yet He still believed in them and on the cross restored John and after His resurrection He restored the other 10.  And the amazing thing about those disciples (minus Judas Iscariot who never repented) is that every single one of them rose to the level of faith that Jesus had in them.  They all (except John) died a martyr’s death instead of abandoning Jesus a 2^nd time.

I will say this about the divorce.  I felt betrayed, but I know Tamara and I don’t think that was her intention.  I think we all do the best we are able with the filters and perspectives that we have.  I’ve been imbibing a series called “Mercy over Judgment” by Keith Moore and it is so powerful.  There are many reasons we are not to judge but the one pertinent to this article is because we don’t know the other person’s heart.  I have hurt Tamara and many others that I love deeply this year – and yet that has never been my motive or intention.  It is (going forward) my opinion and my approach to ascribe to others the best possible motives.

I’ll end it with a story I’ve never written before (and you’ll see why).  My family moved to Tulsa in 1980 and they had me repeat Kindergarten because of speech and developmental delays.  In 1^st grade we moved to a house and quickly made friends with the two girls next door.  We had a pool in the backyard and had the two girls (Erin and Carrie – not their real names) over to swim a lot.  One day after swimming Erin, Sam (my younger brother) and I went into the house and changed in the same room.  Nothing happened, but something was mentioned as we quickly changed.  I didn’t think anything of it.

The next year I moved schools and ended up in the same class as Erin.  I was so excited to be in the same class as my friend.  I was always the quarky kid so friendships were much harder for me than for my brother (who everyone likes immediately).  Then at some point that Fall Erin told all the kids about that day we changed in the same room.  I’m not sure exactly how she conveyed the story but it morphed into something very sinister, creepy and perverted.  When the other 2^nd graders confronted me they called me a pervert and other bad names.  It still hurts, and while my life has in many ways been an open book – this is a chapter I don’t often visit.   I’d rather burn and bury all copies of it.

That label … that rejection … that feeling of being worthless … these things are hard to break, despite how twisted and untrue they are.  Making friends was even harder for me after this … not really a surprise.  I’m sure the kids never thought another moment about that story … but it followed me. 

In the future I may pen a blog on how to reject, not accept, the spirit of rejection.  But I accepted it and it handicapped me for decades.  Some good things came out of it.  I was always the first to befriend the outcasts … we were kin.  My quarky sense of humor developed out of a desire to be accepted and I figured if I made fun of myself … then maybe others wouldn’t.  I knew which pawns I could sacrifice and which pieces of me to guard with my life.

Looking back though I have no animosity toward Erin.  Even then I didn’t because I knew the rest of the story.  The summer between our 1^st and 2^nd grade years Carrie (Erin’s sister in 3^rd grade) was hit by a car and killed while crossing 81^st street to go to the store.

Hurt people hurt people.  Erin hurt me because she was hurting and had no idea how it would affect me – she was not a mean person.  I pray for Erin and I hope and pray that her life is blessed and that she is healthy, successful and happy. Most of all my desire is that she knows and is walking with Jesus.

When we’d swim together we’d talk about God.  My brother and I even prayed with Erin and Carrie once.  They came from a Unitarian family and were French Atheists (as they described it – although it took me years to find out what that meant).  My mom told me, around the funeral, that the year before we had moved in some Bible students had lived in the house and had led Carrie in the sinner’s prayer.

The reason I share this is because 1. I love tangents.  They’re organic and like lightning (they are powerful and hard to aim).  2. We don’t know the hurts, pain, and confusion that cloud the thinking and how it affects the people that betray us.  In their mind they probably aren’t even seeing what they do as a betrayal – they may even see it as a good thing or a kindness.  And to be honest our own hurts, pain and confusion can cause us to feel betrayed when we weren’t.

While that wound really hurt me, it didn’t sink me.  In fact it developed some of the traits in me that I’m most proud of (sensitivity and humor).  And this past year… well, God gets to write the last chapter and His redemption stories (aka Joseph, Jesus, Paul, etc…) are some of the best in HisStory.

To try to tie back to the original thought (I read somewhere that good authors do this so I thought I could pretend); we can believe for miracles or disasters.  Time will present ample opportunities for both, but the caliber / base of our life will be defined by our thoughts and expectations in the in-between times.  As for me and my house, we will expect disasters … I mean miracles.  Sorry my mind was day-dreaming and I forgot what the point of the blog was for a second.  Oops.  My bad.

By Philip Pfanstiel

I’m going to tell you something but only if you promise to judge me.  That’s right I’m writing this and I say tell.  It’s like I don’t even know Chinese.

Today I took a dip in my pool.  In case you think I was trying to be like Peter then you may be as crazy as me.

I walk around my pool a lot and pray.  It’s a very peaceful spot.  I love looking at the water, the huge tree that overhangs it and keeping Ash (my Australian Shepherd puppy) from tripping me as I walk (he loves walking right by my feet).  Good times.

Tonight was a very momentous night.  God’s been showing and giving me puzzle pieces for years and especially the last year.  Tonight a whole bunch of puzzle pieces came together in a profound and powerful way.  It was a cool thing.  I’m glad you weren’t there because you would have made fun of me for crying.  I’m just glad no one found out that I sat in my car and cried for 20 minutes.  That would be embarrassing.

On the way home I asked God for a creative way to start and organize my new book.  I’ll come back to this.

When I get home I take Ash and start walking around my pool, praying, praising and prattering to God.  My favorite part is the prattering.  I don’t think it’s a word but it completes the alliteration – apparently spell check says the word is prattling.  I like prattering.  Anyway, so I’m walking around my pool and it looks so peaceful.

And then the thought comes to me, “what if you walked on water across your pool.”  I quickly dismiss it as crazy.  But the thought doesn’t go away.  Maybe I’ve completely lost what few marbles I have so please judge what I’m about to say.

So I entertain the thought.  I know that I’ll most likely sink straight to the bottom in the barely above freezing water and will have to strip to my skivvies, run upstairs and take a hot bath or shower.

“So?”  Came the response in my head.  I’m not blaming God for this, but it could have been Him.  He has a sense of humor I’ve found that is often times more devious (compared to our way of doing things) than mine.

“So?” was hard to argue with.  Let’s say I tried to walk across the pool and immediately sank.  So?  It’d wake me up for sure.  I’d be fine.  Ash would think I was crazy (though I’m his standard of comparison so to him everyone else is crazy).

On the other hand, what if it was God I was hearing and I would end up walking across the water (a possibility that was very slight at best)?

But if I didn’t try … then what would happen?  I’d live forever (or at least for days) wondering what might have happened.  Drawing back.  Holding caution.  Resisting the wind. 

The water was cold.   Colder than I thought.  But it was so much fun.  As I stripped to my skivvies and hurried upstairs with Ash watching me in befuddlement I was so glad I did it.  I didn’t walk on water.  But I took a risk.  A silly risk I know.  I pretty much knew exactly what was going to happen (and I was right), but I’d do it again.  Not tonight (did I tell you the water was cold?).  I was good with both possibilities.  One a miracle that would change my life and the other the punch line to a self-deprecating anecdote (where no commandments are broken, no one is hurt, no sin is committed).  What I’m not okay with is the third possibility – always asking “what if?”

A few months ago (seems like years) I came up with what I thought was a profound manifesto for my life.  I shared it with some friends and for months rued the whole thing (though I’ve come back to embracing it).  So please judge this and tell me where I’m off kilter.

“I’d rather be wrong doing it God’s way, then be right doing it the world’s way.”

After doing a number of things this past year (where a dip in freezing water would have been a welcome alternative) I can honestly say I’ve been wrong.  I tried (and still am trying) to do things God’s way but from the shape of things it appears I was wrong on many counts.  I had this epiphany when making a recent YouTube video (maybe I’ll put a link here if I remember to) that I’d much rather be “right doing it God’s way, then to be wrong doing it the world’s way.”

But that’s not the bargain.  Doing it God’s way will appear to be wrong, wrong, wrong.  And doing things the world’s way will appear to be right, right, right.  That is, until it flips.  Waiting for that flip takes a lot of faith.  Hope.  And a belief that God loves you enough not to let you sink too far until He pulls you up from the drink.

Which brings me to something God told me (again please judge me) this past March.  He told me that either I can defend myself of let Him defend me.  My initial reaction was, “of course God, I want you to defend me.  So I’ll stop defending myself.”  The problem is, as we can all attest, God’s timing is not our timing.  I don’t think He’s being cruel, but He does seem to let us sink up to our nose, or wait until 11:59 (plus a few more hours – since He’s in a different time zone).

One of my favorite quotes is “God’s will is what our will would be if we had all the facts.”  Suffice it to say we don’t have all the facts.  And when it comes to the right time I’ve never had all the facts.  That’s where I’m learning to trust Him and release any expectation when it comes to timing.  The irony is that so often when I finally release the expectation or desperation the situation resolves rather quickly.  Again God’s devious sense of humor (like lightning, God goes straight – until He doesn’t).

For years I’ve contemplated the fact that God doesn’t defend Himself.  Think about it.  We blame God for a great many things that He didn’t do.  In the Bible God is credited with things that He didn’t do, nevertheless He’d take credit for it since He could have stopped it and didn’t.  He never passes the buck, blames others or defends Himself.  He does offer to defend us though.  The only catch is we can’t defend ourselves.  Another one of those paradoxes; we can’t defend ourselves (if we’re following Christ’ example) but we are privileged to have the opportunity to defend God.  He won’t defend Himself, but He wants to defend us.

I may develop that more in the future but for this article that will suffice.

The last thought and my feeble attempt to defend God is the idea of Glory.  There is this verse (Isaiah 42:8) that says “God will share his glory with no one.”  I’ve had the impression (wrongly I believe) that God is protective of His glory because of His pride.  “It’s my glory, you can’t have it!”

I don’t think that’s it at all.  Glory in Hebrew is “kabad” and one definition of it is “weight / heavy / mass.”  I’ve postulated elsewhere that I think God’s glory is when his weight/ presence/ mass moves into our space-time existence from higher dimensions / heaven.  When God heals His glory is revealed.  What’s revealed?  The movement of power/ mass (same thing – just ask Einstein) into our world heals, delivers, restores and breaks the chains of bondage. 

So when it says He won’t share it, what I see this as saying is He is protecting it.  Which makes sense when you put that verse (Isaiah 42:8) in context.  The passage talks about idols / fallen angels / false gods.  Basically, if I’m reading it correctly, God is saying “I will not let fallen angels pervert / twist and abuse my weight / presence / power.”  It was never about God’s pride or protecting something for His sake.  He’s protecting it for our sake.

Throughout world history the empires with the most power / energy dominate and win.  Most wars have been fought over resources, be it food, people, or fuel.  And the kingdom that can amass and utilize the most resources correctly wins.

Iniquity (according to Dr. Michael Lake in his new book “The Sheeriyth Imperative”) is the power / force that drives the Kingdom of Darkness.  Righteousness / glory is the power behind God’s Kingdom and of course the strongest manifestation of glory and righteousness is when Jesus shed His blood and gave His life for us on the cross.

So these are some things I’ve been contemplating recently.  Still a lot more to develop on it, but I find it fascinating and eye opening.

Now going back to an interesting way to start my new book, well I haven’t thought of it yet (I may have dropped it when I sank into the pool).  But by my taking a chance tonight I have a fun memory and, I feel, an interesting way to start this article at least.

When all is said and done, no one remembers the conventional.  Normal things are safe but they are in the end forgettable.  I’ve said this a few times about this past year – it is definitely a year I’ll remember.  It’s been the hardest of my life, but also one of the most profound, powerful and meaningful.  Sometimes you have to step out and sink in order to eventually rise above it.  Just make sure the hot water is working and that you’ve thought through the worse that can happen (and are good with it) then take a leap … or plunge – either way it will be an experience that you’ll remember.

* * *

So now its your turn.  Let me know where my logic failed.  Judge what I’ve written.  I’ve had so many people call me crazy throughout my life but very few will take the time to rebut, refute or even contend with my arguments.  Maybe they just don’t care enough to engage.  So please care, call me crazy and tell me where I got off track.  e-mail is: philip@pfanstiel.com